To all my brothas & sistas

You got to train your brain to change your thoughts my bro. That’s all I can say. Once you learn that, it’s a game changer. Really hope you do. Because I have learned a big lesson in life. Everything that you want to happen 90% of the time is not gonna happen. However there’s a 10% chance that everything aligns and it’s perfectly great. But it’s only temporary. If you cannot be OK with your own self by yourself, something’s wrong. I’m just letting you know that we’re supposed to learn how to be individuals on this earth. Once we figure that out, then we will be ready to involve another person. But they probably won’t be there either. So Patience is always required. Things are not like they used to be. Not in our generation. You have got to be in full control of your own self first. I say all this because I love you. And I really want the best for you. But your thoughts have got to change.

One more thing, we are human because of our intelligence. When you feel out of line with everything in your life, you are not in touch with your own intelligence. It’s called self sabotage!!!That’s it! Get to know YOU better!!!!

That’s my advice. I’m done. You can delete me if you want to. But I do love you so very much and I’m only telling you what I have learned. I’m not trying to change you or make you think like me, I just want you to know what I have figured out but I have not perfected. I am definitely not perfect in any sense of where I should be. Life is a work in progress. It’s not supposed to be suffering all the time. Only we determine that!!!



Finding My WHY

For far too long, allowing myself to fall into patterns of behaviors with indiscretion has now led me to this exact moment.  Becoming more aware of what I want in this short lifetime verses what has held me back comes from the same powerful source, my thoughts. Pinpointing these negative traits in my life has also been a useful practice, not to focus on them so harshly but rather to know what I don’t want as well.  For the past year, I’ve been saying how badly I want to get into better shape not only physically but mentally.  My brain surprisingly holds onto every bit of energy it takes to get through a work day working hands on with people.  At the end of the day, feeling drained has been a nice way to describe this feeling I’ve had for far too long.  I need some distraction, a glorious release as Sarah McLachlan sings it best to let certain behaviors go and embrace things that give me peace and a self loving spirit.  I desire to feel amazing instead of feeling drained and in a fog all day usually from the night before of drinking until I’m ready to pass out, only to wake up feeling less than desire to get out of bed.  I want to have things to look forward to in the day and have the energy to actually get involved in my community more to enjoy what resources I have right here in my own town. Recognizing my fears that hold me back has been one of the most helpful things I could have ever done for myself. I’m still struggling some days with the proper responses to certain fears and in the ways I engage my mental processes to actually build myself up instead of feeling helpless and broken.

Truth is, I’m not broken or helpless until I make myself feel that way.  The feelings of not being enough, or constantly worrying that someone won’t love me for who I am has haunted me for a while.  Being a lesbian in a town with a limited amount of like minded people who either are also lesbians themselves or at least understand the feelings and level of confidence it takes to truly be who I am is a challenge.


Are we a research?

There are many different questions and beliefs & opinions on why we are here and ultimately I’ve been told my whole life that the Bible told us everything as a tool to join in on the re- search from within. As from the beginning God created the heavens and the earth and then he went forward to create everything else that he needed. So does God need us? I believe God does.

Yet I believe that he needed us to fulfill some type of prophecy or research. As far as the Bible teaches, in the beginning God created Adam and Eve, and yes he created Steve too…and tested them. To me God created curiosity:

Simply because if you tell any child not to do something, their first response is to wonder why! And we’re told not to question God but yet how else can you cultivate a relationship with anyone without questions.

Sometimes since men are told what to do and they typically listen Because a lot of them were taught to not even have a lot of emotion. They were just taught how to work hard and make a career and build a family and keep doing it. Not all of them do, then There are some that make a lot of time for their family and they care for them deeply and that’s why they do it with lots of emotions. Women have had A big role too & out of pure curiosity all their lives so yeah so what if she went and told Adam it’s OK to taste the fruit of knowledge? Then they became fruitful and sexual & realized what the rest the world was about. God created everything right?So we too through God created all the differences between us as well as the government and the way that our world has been divided, it was all created by God. And it has become pure chaos not because the devil has been let loose altogether, it’s because he who has lived, now, read that backwards when you get to the “lived”  part was also apart of (a part)of the devil. I really do believe that in some sort of way we are here for a purpose that God has needed in order to reach some other understanding of what is yet to come. 

So no I don’t believe that any race or sexual preference or divine marriage has ever been a mistake. I simply believe that we all have our own free will that God gave us. And in order to live through it all we must except what we cannot control and yet except that we are here and that we have to make the very best of how to live amongst other people. And we don’t have to sacrifice our own individuality just to make that happen. 

So again, why are we here? What is the purpose? Beyond just what the Bible says?

A funny GOLF story

Here’s a toke to one of my favorite folk:

Life is like this game that we’re playing. Some people would call it golf …..Go.On.Life Flows! And while for some of those people that don’t like GOLF they’re still good people I suppose. But playing the game is real, it’s a self discipline and with others you don’t have to deal. You can play with some of your favorite people and it magnifies the game but it’s not one of those competitive sports, it’s all about what score is under your name. So it’s more about self discipline not so much competition that keeps your life in order, because if you were only worried about beating everyone else you’d still be on the border.  I will have to say at the end of Friday we may take a toke, however I need to be able to drive so that my license doesn’t get revoked. LOL I love you peeps, golfers, nongolfers, you’re ok too! Enjoy life much, have a good night, see you soon.


Don’t judge me on my depth: i just like going into depth! 😂 Because I like poetry, art, writing, letting out all forms of feelings basically, I have some food for thought:
If you were a tree and you were to take a serious look at all of your branches that help you make up that tree, when would you cut all the pieces that no longer serve you? What makes you hold onto them? For some it could be jobs, for some it could be relationships, for some it could be old patterns or behaviors that are destructive, for me at some point all of these have been a part of my tree. I’m still learning how to let go of the parts of me that aren’t really living. If things are still in a bad way, stagnant, just simply doesn’t feel good, let it go. It’ll find its place and you were not responsible for that. You are only responsible for your tree. All of those things were put into your life for a reason and it is to learn from them, eventually the leaves change. Some will stay with you and live through it all, some will die and they need to go. So I just say let what needs to be….. be!